Advice needed!

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Sam Arcot
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Advice needed!

Post by Sam Arcot »

Hello! Its been almost a year for me since I have got into atheism. And things have changed drastically in life. My perspective not just on religion but also on women, people and ideologies have transformed greatly. People whom I was close to are not so close anymore. People who were not of my type have become great friends. But even though I stand as a totally different person, somethings have remained the same. And are going to remain so for a very long time. I am still struggling to figure out whats not for me and what is in adult world. For example, I have been raised with the belief that alcohol is forbidden and is bad for health. I can understand now that it isn't really that bad. But I am still confused whether to try it or not. Thats just one thing. In Hyderabad, its almost impossible to get laid or have sexual favors from your girlfriend. They are very conservative and would even hesitate for a kiss. While my believer counterparts await patiently for the arrange marriage, here I stand devastated in that matter as I have been discovered as an atheist by almost everyone. By all my friends, relatives and everyone.

The atheist friends I have are regular visitors of brothels. I have a strong feeling that I am never going to gain sexual benefits from the girls of my community due to obvious reasons. And arrange marriage is also a very distinct possibility for me as nobody would marry an atheist. I am left with no reason to not go to a prostitute. All except for one. It feels morally wrong. Maybe because of my brought up, maybe because of the society's outlook on it or maybe because it feels harmful. I am not very comfortable at breaking rules and going to a prostitute is considered a crime in our society. It feels like I am putting my hand in the mud even when I think of it. But then what other chances do I have? I am 21 already and have never had any sexual experiences and see none possible in the future. Hence, I am in need of your advise on this. Should I go to a prostitute and pay her for sex? Is it harmful considering the high rate of aids in india? I don't want to be a victim of stds. So are their any steps to prevent it? Is it common in the west for young men to go to prostitutes or is it discouraged? Why is it discouraged, if it is by any chance? If you are suggesting that I shouldn't go to a prostitute, please elucidate all the harmful effects of it.

I know it might feel very awkward to discuss this with a stranger. But i am very serious about it. I am in a dilemma and need someone to guide me. Please think of me as a fellow human being who could be greatly benefited from your advice. And please be truthful and frank. Thank You!
Sam Arcot
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Volenta
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Re: Advice needed!

Post by Volenta »

Sam Arcot wrote:For example, I have been raised with the belief that alcohol is forbidden and is bad for health. I can understand now that it isn't really that bad. But I am still confused whether to try it or not.
I myself am raised in a family that always has been very anti-alcohol. Even moderate amount of consuming alcohol was strongly discouraged. And where pretty much everyone in my surrounding was going to parties to drink lots of alcohol, I always stayed home. Most people already drank alcohol at the age of 12 or 13 maybe. Now gradually with my transition of becoming more progressive and independent, I said to myself that I at least should try it out sometime. So at the end of my 16th year of life I had my first beer, and guess what, everything went fine (I don't regret waiting and maybe should have waited even longer since the impact on young brains is large). The reason I tell you this is to let you know it's not sometime uncommon. It doesn't do much harm when consuming only little amounts, and not on a regular basis (currently I'm only drinking in social environments, and only in relatively small amounts). There are much worse drugs out there that I would always stay away from, like cigarettes (social acceptance shouldn't be a measurement of the dangers of the drugs). I didn't do it because of social pressure—and if this is your reason, I would even discourage it—but because of my own desires to try it out. So I would evaluate your reasons, invest in the (potential) dangers, and make a decision based upon it.

Sam Arcot wrote: The atheist friends I have are regular visitors of brothels. I have a strong feeling that I am never going to gain sexual benefits from the girls of my community due to obvious reasons. And arrange marriage is also a very distinct possibility for me as nobody would marry an atheist. I am left with no reason to not go to a prostitute. All except for one. It feels morally wrong. Maybe because of my brought up, maybe because of the society's outlook on it or maybe because it feels harmful. I am not very comfortable at breaking rules and going to a prostitute is considered a crime in our society. It feels like I am putting my hand in the mud even when I think of it. But then what other chances do I have? I am 21 already and have never had any sexual experiences and see none possible in the future. Hence, I am in need of your advise on this. Should I go to a prostitute and pay her for sex? Is it harmful considering the high rate of aids in india? I don't want to be a victim of stds. So are their any steps to prevent it? Is it common in the west for young men to go to prostitutes or is it discouraged? Why is it discouraged, if it is by any chance? If you are suggesting that I shouldn't go to a prostitute, please elucidate all the harmful effects of it.
Here in the Netherlands it's not a strange thing to visit brothels (although I don't while being in a similar position, only to take a look at our culture without going inside) and also not discouraged but even regulated (to a certain degree) by the government. But again, don't look at cultural norms as an indication of whether you should do it. My stance on it is that if the women is doing it out of her own will (which most of the time isn't the case!), I can't hold a position against it. It's hard to know though whether the women is fine with it or not (surely if there isn't any protection offered from the government), but it's ultimately your own decision. To prevent getting sexually transmitted diseases, always do it safe (using condoms).
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brimstoneSalad
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Re: Advice needed!

Post by brimstoneSalad »

If it's illegal, don't do it- and here's why: Lack of regulation, and worse, criminalization makes support of those institutions support of organized crime and all of the moral harm that comes with that, including in all likelihood human trafficking. It's almost impossible for you to know if the women there have consented, and they're probably sex slaves (or drug slaves too).

If you're having trouble with sex drive, there's masturbation, and if that's not doing it, there are also medicinal options (both pharmaceutical and herbal) which can curb those cravings until you find a nice girl who is an atheist herself- which you will probably find, as long as you look in the right ways, and don't be too desperate (desperation actually interferes with your ability to get laid). Having been the type of guy who frequent prostitutes would make finding such a girl harder anyway.

Sometimes, the less you want something, the easier it is to find. Funny how that works.
Don't worry, we can give you tips.

About alcohol: Don't bother with it. It's expensive and unhealthy. Drinking in moderation isn't as unhealthy, but if you don't already have the habit, why start?

Alcohol is excellent as a mouth wash, and for cleaning things... as a source of nutrition, not so much.
In low concentrations, 2% or so, it's also useful for preserving things- and in that case I think it's fine to consume it if there's a practical use.

Alcohol does have a few seemingly useful drug-like effects in reducing social anxiety in some situations while drunk, BUT it also contributes to worsening symptoms of depression when you're sober. As a medicine, it's not worth it- cost outweighs the benefits.

If you have social anxiety, go to a doctor and get a pill for that (which will help 24/7, and will have fewer side effects); avoid the booze, it's not a useful medication for really anything (except methanol poisoning).

If weed were legal, you might try that (not smoking, but eating in measured doses to combat anxiety), but if it's illegal, see the first point: buying it finances organized crime. I recommend against doing illegal things in general, since the unintended/indirect consequences are particularly bad in most cases due largely to them being illegal.
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Volenta
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Re: Advice needed!

Post by Volenta »

Great suggestion to take illegality in consideration (in general, not limited to prostitution). It touches very well on my worry I tried to explain about the prostitutes' position in the business. But I have to say that even if it is legal—like it is in the Netherlands—it's still no guarantee. I'm pretty sure that the money most girls work for in the Netherlands ends up in the hands of a pimp. I'm afraid it's even worse in India (surely if it's illegal).
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Re: Advice needed!

Post by PrincessPeach »

If it's illegal to do in the country you live in and you just made a post about wanting to do it on the internet................


I'd probably not do it now, even more!
Don't be a waste of molecules
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brimstoneSalad
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Re: Advice needed!

Post by brimstoneSalad »

Volenta wrote:But I have to say that even if it is legal—like it is in the Netherlands—it's still no guarantee. I'm pretty sure that the money most girls work for in the Netherlands ends up in the hands of a pimp. I'm afraid it's even worse in India (surely if it's illegal).
Well, when it's legal, there's the possibility of enough transparency to find out. E.g. you can look into the brothels, some of them co-operative kind of situations owned by the working girls.
That's not to say that those kinds of brothels don't exist where it's illegal as well, but it's just nearly impossible to really confirm what's going on in those cases.

That's also not to say that organized crime might not still have a few fingers in the pie, but that's true of most things in areas where organized crime is strong. They're not running the bakery, though, when the police are available for resolving disputes, and law firms and other heavy hitters get in business with the industry.
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Sam Arcot
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Re: Advice needed!

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Thank you vollenta and brimestonesalad for giving your opinions and advice. I really appreciate it. I totally agree that having sexual contact with a girl who is being forced into it is absolutely wrong. But my friend said that he can arrange a lady secretly. This lady lives by another name and has a respectable position in the society as no one knows she is a sex worker at her place. She gives her services only to very selected people. And moreover, in India some communities have practiced prostitution for generations as their tradition and have never been controlled by any criminal organizations. My concern is not about the crime as it is actually legal in India but not regulated by the government (Google it if you want to know more). I am worried about the psychological impact it is going to have on me. I, somehow, still feel that it is morally wrong. I always imagined the normal way of finding love. I actually have girlfriend but she is too conservative and has not even discovered my atheism. If she does she will leave me without thinking twice (Muslims put their faith first to everything else). I have a feeling engraved in me that only losers who cannot find love on their own go to prostitutes. But since it is actually not the case, I have to fight this feeling. I wanted your advise to learn how it is looked on by the westerners in general. And thank you for clearing that doubt.
If it's illegal to do in the country you live in and you just made a post about wanting to do it on the internet................


I'd probably not do it now, even more!
You better explain to me what you mean here.
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brimstoneSalad
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Re: Advice needed!

Post by brimstoneSalad »

Sam Arcot wrote:And moreover, in India some communities have practiced prostitution for generations as their tradition and have never been controlled by any criminal organizations.
You mean some of the transexed communities? Or others too?
Sam Arcot wrote:I am worried about the psychological impact it is going to have on me. I, somehow, still feel that it is morally wrong. I always imagined the normal way of finding love.
You can find love in the normal way, if that's what you want, it just takes more work.
Sam Arcot wrote:I actually have girlfriend but she is too conservative and has not even discovered my atheism. If she does she will leave me without thinking twice (Muslims put their faith first to everything else).
This is something of a deception, and carrying this on long term could be considered unethical -- particularly if you are having sex with prostitutes.

I suggest you just turn some girls into atheists. It takes time and patience, but is not altogether that difficult.
Sam Arcot wrote:I have a feeling engraved in me that only losers who cannot find love on their own go to prostitutes. But since it is actually not the case, I have to fight this feeling. I wanted your advise to learn how it is looked on by the westerners in general. And thank you for clearing that doubt.
I feel similarly, that it would be pathetic to pay for sex. It's a personal feeling and I don't necessarily judge others on those grounds... but other people do many things I might regard as pathetic, like smoking, eating junk food/animal products, going out of their ways to find calculators for simple math because they can't do two or three digit division/multiplication in their heads, or even standing on an escalator.
Sam Arcot wrote:You better explain to me what you mean here.
She means that the government might track you down, based on your internet post, and charge you with the crime. I'm not sure if she was joking or not. It's not something you have to worry about for petty things like a not-underage consenting adult. Cyber taskforces only track down pedophiles, terrorists, and organized crime like drug smuggling and distribution (currently, anyway).

In the spirit of solidarity: I state here now my intention to jaywalk in the near future.
Come oh ye government watchdogs, and visit thine wrath upon me!

I may also loiter, but I have no immediate plans to that end.
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Re: Advice needed!

Post by Red »

Wow, where to start. When you first bring up your point about alcohol and alcoholic beverages, I do agree that they can really screw up your body. However, if you have a drink at a special occasion, and only drink moderate amounts, or just drinking with your buds, that is fine. I don't know what the legal age for drinking alcohol in India is, but I recommend only drinking when you're of age. But who am I to talk I'm only 13 right? You also point out that you're a "totally different person". (Cliche Mode Activated) You're unique with your personality. Be the person that makes you happy, and don't have such a low self-esteem. And y'know sex isn't everything. There are way more important things to worry about than losing your virginity. I mean don't get me wrong, if you're planning to start a family, first find the girl or, how they say "soul mate", then you can have some kids with her, and your relationship can go to a higher level. But only when you feel that you are ready for it. Doing it when you're not ready won't make it as fulfilling and satisfying. But I'm the dumb one right? I shouldn't even be talking because I've only lived about 0% of my life, and I have no idea what the real world is like. I just wanted to answer this question, because I wanted to express my advice and opinions. Well, I've taken up enough of your time today. Just be optimistic, and "look at the glass half full".
Learning never exhausts the mind.
-Leonardo da Vinci
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