How to move on from grief?

[Quant_umm]

My dog died last November when his medical bills for an skin/ear infection got to high and we had to put him down. Its been awhile and im ok for the most part.
However, for almost no reason i will remember him and start feeling terrible for a while.
I start thinking its my fault he died, and that well, I miss him.
I beat myself up for it and I know its not that good. As with anything, i am partly responsible ; maybe we could have kept him inside more, maybe a bath 2x a week would have been better, etc. but I will just dig myself into a hole and it isn't healthy.
This isn't my first time with a loved one dying but I was much more closer with my dog.
I want to be able to feel ok when thinking of him and not beating myself up over it.
Ive look at some articles about grief and they've helped but i was wondering if you guys have any advice you could give.
Thank you!

[brimstoneSalad]

Grief is in itself, as you have identified, usually a combination of feelings. In order to overcome grief, you need to address them individually:

1. You need to get past the idea that it's your fault that your dog died.

2. You need to find something fulfilling in your life to replace the hole that your dog left.

I can help you with number one if you'll explain what you think fault is, and how it's your fault (did you know you needed to wash your dog more, and would that even have helped?).
For number two, you should consider going to volunteer at an animal shelter or something if there's one near you. It might help you pass the time and help you establish connections with other dogs and cats who need human attention. It could also give you more perspective on mortality.

[Quant_umm]

When he got sick, i was 12 and my parents just decided to take care of it themselves bc they thought we were too young. They showed us what they were doing, how to be gentle and etc.
The older i got though i didn't take responsibility because my older sister started doing it.
We tried everything and I tried helping but I didn't start taking responsibility until it started getting really bad.
I don't know if washing him would have helped, in the end we had no idea what was wrong, just that he had an infection.
I just feel like I could have asked my parents to help or I could have gotten a job to help pay for him medical bills.
Maybe it's naive because i was only 16 but we tried with all that we could afford.

Thank you for the shelter advice. That sounds like a good idea

[brimstoneSalad]

It sounds like you didn't know any better, or what to do. Hindsight is 20/20, but you didn't know then and shouldn't blame yourself for that when you thought others were taking care of the problem. You didn't realize it was that bad.

You're not a veterinarian. If you had substantially more training in veterinary medicine or first aid as a twelve year old, then maybe you could start blaming yourself.

I don't know if washing him would have helped, in the end we had no idea what was wrong, just that he had an infection.

You still don't know, so why blame yourself for not doing something that may have been useless?
Use this as inspiration to learn more, and redouble your efforts to do good instead of blaming yourself.

It sounds like this dog had a weak immune system, and there wasn't likely much that could have been done on your end by the time it got bad and you started taking over.
I don't think you would have been able to raise the kind of money that would have been needed, if it was even treatable.
There are a lot of antibiotic resistant bacterium now, and it sounds like this was if you got some medicine and it didn't work. This is going to be the state of things for humans too soon; get a small cut, get an infection, it gets worse, nobody can stop it, and you die -- that's how it was before the age of antibiotics, and how it may be again soon.

Animal agriculture, and the people who buy animal products to support it, are mainly to blame for this resistance (that, and doctors over-prescribing/patients demanding antibiotics when they don't need them).

[Quant_umm]

I really appreciate the help!
I hate disease and dirty things, so resistant bacteria have always been something I've tried to no help by not useing anti-bacterial hand soap and getting antibiotics whenever i get sick (unless its bad)
Im going to look at volunteering at my local shelter

[brimstoneSalad]

Glad to help.

I hate disease and dirty things, so resistant bacteria have always been something I've tried to no help by not useing anti-bacterial hand soap and getting antibiotics whenever i get sick (unless its bad)

Remember to avoid eggs and dairy where possible too; lots of antibiotics used there, making lots of nasties that spread into the rest of the world.

Im going to look at volunteering at my local shelter

That's great. It will be mostly cleaning kennels and walking the dogs, but it should be a good experience.

[Unknownfromheaven]

Meditation can help in some cases.