Vegan atheist dating a non-vegan christian

[let_dias]

Hello, my name is Letícia, and I'm from Brasil. I am here to propose a discussion.
Is it possible to a vegan atheist maintain a healthy relationship with a non-vegan christian?
I am going though some fights with my boyfriend exacly about that, and I am not seeing a future with him. I feel like our morals are much diferent, and I find it really difficult to be tolerant and undertanding.

So I want to bring this discussion. Is it the same thing as a feminist dating a sexist? A lawer (assuming he/she fights for justice ) dating a thief? I don't know. But right now I really feel like my relationship is over

And more: how can we be more tolerant to people who eat meat? Is it possible to not think less of them? I believe I really need some advice.

Really hope everybody is having a better day than mine! And thank you!

[brimstoneSalad]

In my view, you have to have some ideological overlap.

A vegan Christian could date a non-vegan Christian. A vegan atheist can date a vegan Christian.
In either case, there's a core of shared values.
Atheism isn't really a value in itself, I don't think a nihilistic atheist can get along well with a vegan atheist (who cares about morals).
However, a vegan anti-theist might be able to get along with a non-vegan anti-theist. Anti-theism can be an ideology.

But the mix you're talking about is unlikely to work out -- and by work out, I mean yield a good relationship, particularly if you're wanting a family. There will be a lot of fights, and it will be hard to really respect each other on the level you need -- tolerate, sure, but tolerance doesn't in itself make a great relationship.

It's totally possible and good to be friends with non-vegans, you can help inspire them too. Of course don't talk about vegan issues 24/7, but by being a normal healthy vegan, you can inspire your friends to eat less meat. And then one day one of your friends starts asking questions when you're talking about it, and if you find somebody genuinely interested in being a reducetarian, then you have a keeper. Even if the person doesn't see his or herself going vegan, as long as they're always cutting back (like, every year a new resolution) and learning about/caring about the issues, with your help they'll get there eventually.

[PsYcHo]

Hello Leticia,

You ask if it is possible to retain such a relationship, and yes, (In my opinion) it is. But.....

If you are questioning the relationship, then perhaps it is more relevant to ask do I want to continue this relationship? with someone whose morals do not align with mine.

I am in a similar situation, with my being a pescatarian atheist, and my partner being an omnivore Christian. But I love my partner, and find that they bring such happiness as to not want to search for someone who is more like me in regards to morality. But this is a deeply personal choice, and each person should decide what they can, and cannot, abide from a partner.

if you are questioning your partner, perhaps you should look around and see if there is someone who doesn't make you want to "look around". In the end, you should search for that which makes you truly happy, and (assuming you care about your current partner) that which makes them truly happy.

This is never an easy endeavor, and I wish you happiness in your choice. (From experience, I suggest taking your time making a decision. )

[knot]

Could personally never date a non-vegan, but I tend to have more common ground with Christians than atheists, eventhough I'm an atheist myself.

[brimstoneSalad]

Could personally never date a non-vegan, but I tend to have more common ground with Christians than atheists, eventhough I'm an atheist myself.

How about a vegetarian interested in veganism, or another reducetarian making strides in that direction?

[knot]

Could personally never date a non-vegan, but I tend to have more common ground with Christians than atheists, eventhough I'm an atheist myself.

How about a vegetarian interested in veganism, or another reducetarian making strides in that direction?

It could work, but I've developed some strong visceral reactions to animal products I'd need to overcome


P.S. About Christians, it depends on what Christians are like in Brazil. European Christians are mostly just conscientious people who have sensible principles and privately believe some vague metaphysical stuff.

[inator]

Hi Letícia! How long have you been with your partner and how did you go about talking to him about veganism and atheism? What are his main points of disagreement?
Maybe we can come up with an approach that will work better on him. Sometimes people just need some time to get used to these concepts before they become more open to listening to logic. Also, it's probably best to focus on one issue at a time. Was it easy for you to change your mindset and become a vegan/an atheist (assuming you haven't been one since childhood)?
But first, could you see a future with him if he did start to change in these two respects?

So I want to bring this discussion. Is it the same thing as a feminist dating a sexist? A lawer (assuming he/she fights for justice ) dating a thief?

The comparison is fair, but it's probably not helpful to think that way if your goal is to influence him. Contempt (as opposed to sympathy) creates more division.

[let_dias]

Hi Letícia! How long have you been with your partner and how did you go about talking to him about veganism and atheism? What are his main points of disagreement?
Maybe we can come up with an approach that will work better on him. Sometimes people just need some time to get used to these concepts before they become more open to listening to logic. Also, it's probably best to focus on one issue at a time. Was it easy for you to change your mindset and become a vegan/an atheist (assuming you haven't been one since childhood)?
But first, could you see a future with him if he did start to change in these two respects?

So I want to bring this discussion. Is it the same thing as a feminist dating a sexist? A lawer (assuming he/she fights for justice ) dating a thief?

The comparison is fair, but it's probably not helpful to think that way if your goal is to influence him. Contempt (as opposed to sympathy) creates more division.

Well, next month we would be dating for 1 year. I've been vegan for very little time, about 3-4 months. And Athiest about 8 years I think... We would not really talk about that, because we knew we had divergent opinions, so we kinda of exploded the time we decided to talk about that.
He see's the vegan points but he says he would be miserable without eating meat, and animals have no soul, so humans are superior and it's okay to kill then.
I felt like that was a very shitty opinion. So I asked if he knew that slavers also used to say that slaves didn't have a soul (at least here in south america) and that was the excuse to slave them, and he got really mad with that question...
I don't really know if I can see any future after this fight....
Thanks for your opinion you seem like a very kind and undertanding person (:

[brimstoneSalad]

He see's the vegan points but he says he would be miserable without eating meat

For this, introduce him to some delicious vegan food which is higher in fat and protein, such as mock meats. If you're a good cook, you can use food evangelism to change his mind on that.

, and animals have no soul, so humans are superior and it's okay to kill then.

This probably stems from his religious beliefs. In order to fix this, you'd have to tun him into an atheist so you can argue rationally with him, or otherwise you'd have to make religious arguments against this (which requires looking to religious authorities and scripture).

I don't really know if I can see any future after this fight....

I suggest you start over with somebody else. Have all of these "fights" (ideally civil discussions) first in the relationship (first date, before anything happens), and you can come to terms and find out what kind of person you're dealing with. Open minded and reasonable, or closed minded and hostile.

Most people don't like to be corrected or change their minds, but some will. You might have to have a dozen bad first dates before you find somebody open minded and willing to listen, think, and change.

Watch Anthony Magnabosco's channel to learn about street epistemology:
https://www.youtube.com/user/magnabosco210

That will help you a lot.

[let_dias]

He see's the vegan points but he says he would be miserable without eating meat

For this, introduce him to some delicious vegan food which is higher in fat and protein, such as mock meats. If you're a good cook, you can use food evangelism to change his mind on that.

, and animals have no soul, so humans are superior and it's okay to kill then.

This probably stems from his religious beliefs. In order to fix this, you'd have to tun him into an atheist so you can argue rationally with him, or otherwise you'd have to make religious arguments against this (which requires looking to religious authorities and scripture).

I don't really know if I can see any future after this fight....

I suggest you start over with somebody else. Have all of these "fights" (ideally civil discussions) first in the relationship (first date, before anything happens), and you can come to terms and find out what kind of person you're dealing with. Open minded and reasonable, or closed minded and hostile.

Most people don't like to be corrected or change their minds, but some will. You might have to have a dozen bad first dates before you find somebody open minded and willing to listen, think, and change.

Watch Anthony Magnabosco's channel to learn about street epistemology:
https://www.youtube.com/user/magnabosco210

That will help you a lot.

Well I tried to show vegan foods to him, but here in Brazil the moviment is not strong yet, and we don't have many good places, but even the good ones he won't try it. Or he will and make jokes about it, like "okay, now bring me the real food", it was so annoying...I just gave up. And yes, he is believes that because of his religion...and I don't believe I can change that...

Unfortunately, I think you are right...I should start over with someone that is more like me.

Thank you for your advice! Hope you have a great day!