CXC0401 wrote:even if it were something that I were to think about in the future my life right now is very overwhelmed with leaving my faith and figuring out who I am in that sense. It is overwhelming enough as it is, and it might be something in due time, just not now.
I certainly understand what you mean, and I think we've all felt that way at one time or another. Although it's worth noting that getting in touch with your secular values could be a crucial part of figuring out who you are without religion. Religion leaves a big hole, in terms of knowing what's right and wrong.
Many atheists turn to hedonism and nihilism -- you'll hear some people say they don't care if other human beings, let alone other animals, suffer and die for their pleasure, as long as it doesn't negatively affect them personally. E.g. as long as it's legal, and not somebody they care about, a stranger can be tortured to death and they don't blink.
Of course, these people are rarely happy. Focusing on oneself and one's own issues often just exacerbates our stress and self pity in life, and seeking happiness directly is one of the surest ways never to find it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_hedonism
By learning about the core of who you are as a good human being, and focusing on helping others, you can become more fulfilled and your own existential troubles will become a distant memory. You'll never for a moment lose touch with who you are as long as you spend your life becoming the best person you can be. Our sense of identity is very much about actions, not all of those often answer-less existential questions.
CXC0401 wrote:But I agree that we need to have some deeper common ground between us, and while I could argue and say that we do about some things I'm not sure if that would be enough to propel us further, especially since religion is something he deeply cares about.
All couples tend to think they have deep connections. Sometimes due to emotional reasons -- but the trouble is, those are hormonal (like a drug), and emotions are fleeting. People can fall out of love as quickly as into it, the spell just has to be broken (by time, or by a sudden realization that the relationship isn't right).
And for every inside joke couples have, they usually have similar inside jokes with colleagues and other friends. This is a part of shared culture, and it's very easily acquired -- this is the whole purpose of memes, of course. That won't hold people together either.
Taste in movies, or music, or anything else? Broadly shared, really, by many people out there.
Unfortunately, it's very hard to find true deep commonalities outside religious conviction. Politics are nowhere near that level for most people (but again, essentially half the country is bound to share the majority of your political beliefs either way, so it's rarely a way to bind two people).
Extraordinary secular moral conviction, like veganism, is the only one I know of for sure. It's possible some people feel this way about art, but as soon as creative differences arise... it's not stable.
It's very hard to identify a commonality half as strong as the division created by a religious rift. You'd have to find something you both care about much more than he cares about his religion, and that most other people don't care about much at all.
) because this could give us futher knowledge of how the universe came to be... not that it would turn anyone. But still, cool for me.**