So after the past few days, the fabulous forum member, Dizzy has shown me that being an atheist meant that I was a homosex, abortion, feminism, incest, polygamy, weed-smoking, atheism, jewcocksucking, white pride, gmo-eating, vaccinating, meat-eating, taxes, war and nsa-supporter, and after a lot of thinking and decided to change my ways. However, just a few hours ago, I have converted to a new religion. What religion you ask? Why, the Church of Gaben of course! All my life I was ignorant of our Lord and Saviour Gaben Newell. The one who has granted us the fruits of life, such as Half Life, Portal, GMod, Left4Dead, Counter Strike, and my personal favourite, Team Fortress 2. All he wants for us is so we can cherish these gifts. His greatest generosity are the blesses he gives us with Steam sales. Those prices that drop bring joy to us all, and allow us to purchase more games, and the items within said games. Those -66% and -80% off near those games makes me embrace life and want to live another day. Our father has worked day and night, and he had some troubles along the way, mostly after working at Microsoft. His greatest gift, aside from Half Life, and most people will agree with me, is Team Fortress 2. The war themed hat simulator, as told to us by Gaben himself. The more hats and cosmetics we purchase, the happier our God is. We prepare our wallets for the shower of games and items that his servants produce. I will always stay loyal to him, even if the third one doesn't come out. It will be worth the weight,
Now, let us read from the divine liturgy from a witness that saw the face of Gaben himself.
Gaben Liturgy wrote:"I was only 19 years old. I loved Gaben so much, I had all the games and hats. I pray to Gaben every night before bed, thanking him for the games I have purchased. "Gaben is love" I say, "Gaben is life". My roommate hears and calls me a nerd. I knew he was just jealous, of my summer sales. I called him a peasant. He slaps me and goes to Gamestop. I'm using my computer now, and my face hurts. I feel a warmth coming towards me. Something touches me. It's Gaben! He whispers in my ear. "This is my wallet." He grabs my hands with his powerful gamer hands, and puts them on my keyboard. I'm ready. I spread my wallet for Gaben. He penetrates my funds. It makes so much debt, but I do it for Gaben. I can feel my mortgage growing as my library starts to grow. It costs so much, but I do it for Gaben. I buy games myself. I want to please Gaben. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my library with games. My roommate walks in. Gaben looks him straight in the eye and says "It was worth the weight". Gaben leaves through my computer screen. Gaben is love. Gaben is life."
Hopefully, afer reading this, you will consider converting to the church of Gaben. It will be the greatest choice you've ever made in your life, and I can say that without a shadow of a doubt. I know you'll be happy as I was.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
