Converting Back To Theism

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Red
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Converting Back To Theism

Post by Red »

So after the past few days, the fabulous forum member, Dizzy has shown me that being an atheist meant that I was a homosex, abortion, feminism, incest, polygamy, weed-smoking, atheism, jewcocksucking, white pride, gmo-eating, vaccinating, meat-eating, taxes, war and nsa-supporter, and after a lot of thinking and decided to change my ways. However, just a few hours ago, I have converted to a new religion. What religion you ask? Why, the Church of Gaben of course! All my life I was ignorant of our Lord and Saviour Gaben Newell. The one who has granted us the fruits of life, such as Half Life, Portal, GMod, Left4Dead, Counter Strike, and my personal favourite, Team Fortress 2. All he wants for us is so we can cherish these gifts. His greatest generosity are the blesses he gives us with Steam sales. Those prices that drop bring joy to us all, and allow us to purchase more games, and the items within said games. Those -66% and -80% off near those games makes me embrace life and want to live another day. Our father has worked day and night, and he had some troubles along the way, mostly after working at Microsoft. His greatest gift, aside from Half Life, and most people will agree with me, is Team Fortress 2. The war themed hat simulator, as told to us by Gaben himself. The more hats and cosmetics we purchase, the happier our God is. We prepare our wallets for the shower of games and items that his servants produce. I will always stay loyal to him, even if the third one doesn't come out. It will be worth the weight,

Now, let us read from the divine liturgy from a witness that saw the face of Gaben himself.
Gaben Liturgy wrote:"I was only 19 years old. I loved Gaben so much, I had all the games and hats. I pray to Gaben every night before bed, thanking him for the games I have purchased. "Gaben is love" I say, "Gaben is life". My roommate hears and calls me a nerd. I knew he was just jealous, of my summer sales. I called him a peasant. He slaps me and goes to Gamestop. I'm using my computer now, and my face hurts. I feel a warmth coming towards me. Something touches me. It's Gaben! He whispers in my ear. "This is my wallet." He grabs my hands with his powerful gamer hands, and puts them on my keyboard. I'm ready. I spread my wallet for Gaben. He penetrates my funds. It makes so much debt, but I do it for Gaben. I can feel my mortgage growing as my library starts to grow. It costs so much, but I do it for Gaben. I buy games myself. I want to please Gaben. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my library with games. My roommate walks in. Gaben looks him straight in the eye and says "It was worth the weight". Gaben leaves through my computer screen. Gaben is love. Gaben is life."
Hopefully, afer reading this, you will consider converting to the church of Gaben. It will be the greatest choice you've ever made in your life, and I can say that without a shadow of a doubt. I know you'll be happy as I was.
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bobo0100
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

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I'm already a moderate worshipper of the flying spaghetti monster, but I do respect the gifts the false god Gaben later brought into the world.
vegan: to exclude—as far as is practicable—all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for any purpose; and by extension, promotes the development and use of animal-free alternatives for the benefit of humans, animals and the environment.
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Neptual
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

Post by Neptual »

Yea, I also follow a different church.

The Church of Yeezanity

All praise YEEZUS

http://yeezianity.com
She's beautiful...
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thebestofenergy
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

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All hail Gaben.
For evil to prevail, good people must stand aside and do nothing.
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Red
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

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Holy shit Neptual has returned
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

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bobo0100 wrote:I'm already a moderate worshipper of the flying spaghetti monster, but I do respect the gifts the false god Gaben later brought into the world.
False? You aren't enlightened yet, my son.
Learning never exhausts the mind.
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5onic
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

Post by 5onic »

PCMR here, praise gaben.
Cirion Spellbinder
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

Post by Cirion Spellbinder »

5onic wrote:PCMR here, praise gaben.
Well said comrade... Well said.
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Dizzy
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

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No Gaben is an evil false prophet of athiesm. He is no better then Dawkins (or DORKins), Sagan (or SATAN), Bill Nye (or Bill LIE) and Neil deGrasse Tyson (or KneelbeforeSatan SmokedeGrasse LIEson). Please turn from the scientific lies of Satan and convert to Jesus. yOU MUST HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY ALL THE GMOS IN YOU'RE FOOD, FLUORIDE IN YOU'RE WATER, CHEMTRAILS IN YOU'RE AIR, LIES IN YOU'RE MEDIA AND FORMALDEHYDE, THIMEROSOL, MERCURY AND ABORTED FETAL MATTER IN YOU'RE AUTISM-INDUSING VACCINES! Please sir don't trist Nazi NASA they are now claiming that there is water and mars and who are they going to blame... ALIENS. But aliens are not real only God (capitalized sorry for any offense caused) is real, NASA are no better then the FBI, CIA, NSA, TSA, MSM, ETC. ALL ARE A PART OF THE NWO" We never walked on the moon, it was propaganda for the space race. It was all filmed by Stan;ey Kubrick. who directed films like that awful 2001 a space odyssey, which was so boring but I had to watch it because my parents liked it. One of the rocks was labeled with a C because that was a PROP! Feminism is a plague to society, white women claiming to be opressed smh, they say check you privelege bbut it is they who is the priveleged onese, In other news, I have to where braces now and I hate them. I take them out when noone's looking, hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha. By the way, about the recent refugee crisis I say let them in (Christians only, obviously), there is nothing wrong with Middle-Easterns, Jesus was a Middle-Eastern, only the White Capitalist Jews don't want them in. I say send the Whites to Syria, they deserve to be opressed by ISIS, ISIS are just proof that Muslims are evil, including the "moderates", I know I stand with Palestine but there are Christians in Palestine who are being opressed by Benjamin Netayahu and his Israeli zionist jew kikes of the Syangouge of Satan. Anyway, that's all I have to say, so RedAppleGP please turn to Jesus he can only save you God bless you with the Holy Ghost amen.
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Re: Converting Back To Theism

Post by Red »

I... I have the answer.
Learning never exhausts the mind.
-Leonardo da Vinci
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