My parents driving me to the brink of insanity and I can not take it anymore.

[jeplonski]

I congratulate you if you make it to the end, but trust me when I say it all has a purpose and I need help. I have been having really bad anxiety and I have gotten to the point where it is unhealthy. My heart is currently beating at 2-3 beats per second and I am finding hard to breath regularly. It started with debates about me being Atheist and my dad called me a dumb ass for not believing in a magic man in the sky when I first came out. No joke. He actually called me a dumb ass. That was bad but I did not have anxiety problems then. I would just get mad and just argue my views. It was hard for me to keep a temper and I would end up talking to him almost as if we were in a debate and I was attacking him. I understand that this may not be the best approach but it is part of who I am. I like to be able to defend my position just as anyone should be able to. Now this is kind of a long intro but it is for a long story. My dad and I used to both be christians andI always agreed with him on almost every topic. He used to be very fun, loving, and nice, but now, he is always in a dull mood ever since I became Atheist and is only in a good mood when my anxiety is extremely high and he keeps poking fun at me. This happened tonight which is why I am writing this. For peer support and answers as to what I should do, but I will explain more on this after I give some background. So my dad used to be nice and now is not so much. He is not abusive but he is deffinelty not a good father and my mom is kind of the same way. My mom is very stubborn, very dramatic, and acts on impulse and will ground me if I give her the slightest reason to. Most of this started when My sister was still at home. She is 2 years older than me and I have never gotten along with her too well but she is still my sister and I love her still. I am telling you this because my parents never reacted well to the bickering between us - which I understand - but they also did not handle it in the right way and also showed favoritism (even though they deny it). No matter what the situation, blame would always be shifted my way wether it was subtle or blatantly obvious. I would always be the one getting in more trouble so I have not been in a great relationship with my parents before. Keep in mind this was before I became Atheist. I was a good kid and they even admitted that - although I am not sure if that is really how they felt - but I never found any reason for there to be a problem between us in an act of shifting everything onto me (Sorry if I am being repetitive. I do that when I am ranting and I am mad). These bad moments were scattered and another topic that kept coming up was our dog. My sister and I agreed to take care of him but he had ended up being a little odd and rambunctious. Either way I grew to love him, even through the annoying times. Now my sister is gone and the work has fallen on me. I am not overloaded with it but my parents take the whole "He is your responsibility" thing too far. I get that they don't want to take care of him all the time but they even refuse to let him out in the morning (he sleeps in my room) when they hear him whining, only to latter yell at me for not letting getting up and letting him out. I mean really? You are going to be that lazy as to not get up and feed a dog. My parents have a lot of these kinds of moments, wether it os cleaning the dishes or, yet a again with the whole dog thing, getting up and letting the dog back inside when it is only 10 steps away.

My main goal in telling you all of this is to give you some background on my life, and to show you what I have gone through. I do not want to come off as one of those rich annoying 15 year olds because as my family has a great annual income and we are more than supplied, money does not = happiness. I am very fortunate to have a computer, a phone and other items as well. I am not saying I have a really bad life, I am saying I have parents who do not know how to parent, or even how to socialize with me without giving me anxiety. I guess I may as well get to the point as to why I am writing this or what event took place to drive me here.

Tonight at dinner we got into a big conversation about religion and it was going fine, but then my dad accused me of speaking as if I was angry. This may have been how it came across, but it was more of annoyance and I said this to him. I explained how he and my mom were saying things that were just not true and were false accusations against atheists. I do not want to dismiss the fact that I was speaking in a voice filled with annoyance and me feeling bad for them to think that way. I guess I should state what my mom said first. She said that she believes that you need god in your life to make good decisions. Of course I do not think that she really believes this because when I said it back to her she said "I never said that!". Trust me. I remember in very explicit detail what she said and that was it. My entire argument was based on it. For her to say that she did not say that, and for my dad who was sitting there to back her up, was very shocking and annoying for me. That is not what made me mad though. What made me mad is that she then turned around only to say the exact same thing once more. I then when on to say "That is what I claimed you just said!" and she said "What?" as if she did not remember what I had said not 1 minute before. I then repeated myself again. She said "that is not what I am saying". I was arguing that people do not need god to make just and moral decisions and she kept saying that was not her argument. I may be wrong on this one but I could swear she repeated it to me once more. "You need god in order to make good decisions. I will not dismiss that she did give me a compliment as to say that I was nice and that this differs for me, but somehow I am an exception. I said thank you to the compliment but then went on to say "but I do not agree with what you said after that". Somehow this also slipped her mind, as well as my dads, because they both went on to cause me of not being thankful for my mothers compliment. So not only did they forget that I said thank you, but they also forgot, somehow, that I stated that I was arguing against what she said after the compliment, and then continues to forget WHAT SHE SAID after the compliment. So either they do not listen to me (and partially themselves) or they just want to find any reason to make themselves the victims. I would also like to state that I had no want to be a victim, but rather a part of an educated mature debate or a topic; debate meaning a respectful argument. My dad would then constantly go back to my mom giving me a compliment and me arguing with her. he even twisted it so that I was arguing against her compliment!

So as you can tell it got to the point where I was pretty mad and pissed to say the least. My parents kept causing me a false lies. I never intended to reject my moms compliment, but rather to argue with what she said after. If anyone thinks that arguments are not a good thing, you may want to rethink that because then we would never grow intellectually.

Now my parents were mocking me, saying that I was rejecting her compliment and say things like "Okay Jack, you're an asshole! whatever you say!" and other things along those lines. Apparently this was supposed to be humorous to me and make me laugh. I did not laugh. Why would they even think I would? Why would they call me an asshole to try and be funny, but the worst part is what happened after the mocks and the name calling and when thy were finally done poking fun at me. That is when they both got serious. I was getting more and more angry and when I simply pointed out to my dad that he was mocking me and calling me an asshole - yes I did say asshole to him, but seeing as it was me pointing out what he said this should not have been that big of a deal - He freaked out and said "Don't be disrespectful to me!" Apparently this became a trend and my mom then started saying the same thing as I became madder and madder. All I was doing was pointing out things that they said and the next thing I know I am grounded.

I finished cleaning dinner and went up to my room. I locked the door hoping my parents would just leave em alone. I don't know how in hell I thought they would. My dad said "let me in I want to talk." and I said "No leave me alone, I need space". He went on to ignore this and tried to be funny again. He kept tapping on my door and kept saying "I could just get the key." and I was getting very annoyed. My mom then came up and said "open the door right now." Because I did not want to get grounded, I did and they just stood there. I told them to leave me alone and that I wanted space but they would not leave. They just walked into my room. I ended up screaming and yelling "I hate you! I want new parents! I want to leave this house!" and they still did not get the hint that I so subtly gave to them that I wanted them to leave. This was all true btw. I have felt this way for some time now. If I could go live with my friend who's parents are the opposite of mine, I would. I would be so much more at peace.

I ran into the bathroom and locked the door and I heard my dad say "Okay well it looks like you need some space". I mean honestly. Wtf? I had said that at least 5 times by then. I waited at least a minute until after he said that. I walk out and what do you know?! My mom is sitting on my bed and just staring at me. So not only did she try and trick me but she also lost my trust and my respect for her intellectually and as a parent. I went back into the bathroom and locked the door as soon as I saw her, waited 5 minutes and came out. If she had still been there I would have walked out of the house.

That is pretty much my story and I really need help on what I should do. I am sorry but I can't keep doing this and I can not reason with my parents without being talked down too and ultimately having accusations thrown at me. I want different parents honestly. I can not even say I love you to them anymore. I am finding it hard to. Please help. What should I do?

P.s Thank you if you read all of this. I have had so much trouble right now. It really means a lot for anyone to reply.

[Insert name here]

Well I probably will not be much help considering I would have no idea how to react in this situation. Have you tried telling your parents about your anxiety? It seems as though the main problem is a failure of communication between you and your parents. I do not mean to imply that it is your fault, if it is as you described, then your parents are failing to communicate with you. If you truly cannot take it anymore, Try to have a serious discussion about it, plan for it extensively if you have to. And if that does not work, the only thing that I can advise is just to stick it out until you move away. I hope this helped, if not, I am sorry that I wasted your time.

[Cirion Spellbinder]

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. At the least I'm glad you have a place to vent.

Considering that I have not dealt with a similar scenario, the best advice I can offer is to recommend you to see your school psychologist or counselor if one is available to you. They may not be able to help directly, but they can certainly offer another outlet to vent into.

I was hoping I could find something in the "Convention on the Rights of the Child" to indicate that your parents were engaging in illegal activity which could allow you to sway their decisions based on their respect for the law, but the only thing I could find that was applicable was Article 24, statement 1, which states "States Parties recognize the right of the child to the enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health and to facilities for the treatment of illness and rehabilitation of health." Based on the anecdote provided, it could be argued that your parents giving you anxiety is an infringement of this right as they are causing you anxiety, a psychologically harmful behavior. As a result, your parents would be depriving you of the highest attainable standard of psychological health. If you would like to further look into the document, I always read it from this website: http://www.ohchr.org/en/professionalint ... s/crc.aspx

I hope I helped at least a little bit!

[brimstoneSalad]

If anyone thinks that arguments are not a good thing, you may want to rethink that because then we would never grow intellectually.

Arguments are like sex. When it's between two consenting equals, that's fine. But when it's between professor and student, boss and employee, prison guard and inmate, or somebody else who has power over another, it actually can be a bad thing (rape, even if you don't realize it).

When you're arguing, you have to do it on equal footing, and if the other party does have any kind of power over you, you have to make sure it's something you're willing to lose.

I told you as much in the other thread, and I mean it:

https://theveganatheist.com/forum/viewt ... 697#p12697

You have to take your power back, or you have to keep your head down. There is no middle road here that will get you through this.